4:30am

Sometimes, at 4:30 in the morning everything sucks.

At 4:30 in the morning every bill imaginable comes to your mind and they’re all due today.  Even when they’re not due for weeks.

At 4:30 in the morning the slightest bump in the night becomes the worlds most wanted criminal breaking into your home.

At 4:30 in the morning if you cough you most certainly have emphysema even if you don’t smoke.

At 4:30 in the morning a leg cramp is a very sure sign that you have a cancerous tumor.

At 4:30 in the morning bad dreams are real.

At 4:30 in the morning when you’re out of coffee it’s a sign that you’re also failing to provide as a husband should.

At 4:30 in the morning the most peaceful sleep can be ruined by the smallest of thoughts.  Everything is magnified 10,000 times until life spiraling out of control and your mind can’t stop thinking of every nightmarish situation life might throw at you.

When I was younger I had 4:30 moments all of the time,  but back then the solutions were easy:

Step 1. Run to my parents room.

Step 2. Wake mom up. (we only woke dad up if it was serious)

Step 3. Tell them the world was going to end.

Step 4. Be told that “everything was going to be okay.”

Step 5. Go back to bed.

Step 6. Sleep until I smelled pancakes.

But now it’s different, because  I’m 31 and running to my parents’ room isn’t appropriate. Waking up my wife isn’t a good idea either. And I’m certain that my friends don’t want to hear from me right then.

However, today at 4:30 in the morning I remembered something I saw very often as I was growing up.  Sometimes  at 4:30 in the morning while making my mad dash to my mom’s side of the bed, I noticed a light on downstairs. So I’d go look and I’d see my dad sitting under the lamp with his bible. Sometimes i’d go down there and I’d ask him what he was doing and he’d always say,  “Just reading, you should go back to bed, everything is going to be okay.”

I was reminded of that today in the middle of my 4:30 moment and it hit me like a truck. The reason my dad was up reading was because he was probably having his own version of a 4:30 moment too. Although he probably wanted to, he couldn’t run to his mom’s side of the bed either.  But there was one place he could go.

To his chair.

With his bible.

Surrounded by the quiet.

Running into the arms of Jesus.

Where he’d be reminded that everything was going to be okay.

He’d go back to bed.

And wait for pancakes.

So this morning. When the waves of life woke me up. I walked to my chair. Surrounded by quiet. I picked up my bible and found myself running to the arms of Jesus. I was reminded that everything is going to be okay. And now, all I want is more sleep and the smell of some pancakes.

I praise God for the example I grew up with.  I’m just a little sad that it took me 31 years to remember it.

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~ by Brad on October 12, 2010.