I must be hard of hearing.
I think I’m hard of hearing, or maybe I’m just listening for the wrong things, or maybe it’s like Jr. High all over again and I’m being purposefully left out of what is going on. Whatever it is, it just seems that whenever people are “hearing from God” I’m left without hearing anything. It happened the other night when a group of us were praying someone said that they heard God saying this… it was followed my groans of agreement throughout the room, but I was standing right next to him, and I didn’t hear a thing! But I still groaned because it seemed like the thing to do at the moment.
It’s extremely frustrating, very disappointing and it borders on heart breaking. After all it seems that God is talking to everyone else in the room but he’s ignoring me. Even when I take specific time to pray and listen all I can hear is God saying to me is,
“_________________________________________________”
Nothing.
It’s like we’re sitting at a restaurant table eating our meal and not saying a word, and to be honest I don’t know what to do with it. I’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, confessed all sorts of sin, and still nothing.
I’m beginning to wonder if I need to sacrifice a first born perfect lamb in the efforts to have a break through. I wonder what my neighbors would say.
But really, what do I, or you, do about this? I’m sure I’m not the only one, and I’m quite positive that some of the people saying they “hear from God” are probably making it up to fit in.
But I want the real deal.
I want to know what God’s voice sounds like. I want to hear how God shapes his words, maybe God has a lisp or can’t pronounce His ‘R’s’? Or just maybe He does sound like Morgan Freeman.
Scripture tells us to draw near to God and God will draw near to us (James 4.8). One of my favorite speakers, Mike Pilavachi says that, “God whispers to His friends and shouts to His enemies.” and some might disagree, but I’m confident I’m not an enemy of God. Yet I still have a hard time hearing what God is saying.
And each time I don’t hear anything is like ripping off a scab on a deep wound, and I can feel my cynical calluses start to build.
And I hate that.
I desire God’s presence. I long for God’s touch. I am certain that God loves me more than I can imagine. I just wish I heard Him more.
Brad, This is a very thought provoking post! I appreciated every word of it. I, too, have had similar thoughts and are not sure what to make of them. Not really sure what else to say, other than, know that you’re not alone and you have a sister in Christ praying for and desiring the same thing!